Growing up surrounded by boys and therefore picking up on some of their traits never seemed like such a colossal issue....until for some other people it did.
'You're just like a boy.'- a phrase that still haunts me till this day, but now just as an echo, that with time has slowly lost its meaning; But let me take you back to when it sounded loud and clear:
I fucking liked being one of the boys; in fact I was just being myself and enjoying it- a curious kid that was trying to mind his own business and do fun shit; all of this until kids were no longer kids, but boys and girls-parting that maybe I was just not ready for at the time.
So there I was, the girl that was just 'too harsh', 'too aggressive', 'too loud', 'too blunt' and other now-called bullshit, to fit in with the girlies. And I'm not gonna lie, it made me feel like shit. I was feeling left out, I wanted to be one of the girls. Girls started to become cool-they had boobs, and bums and blood coming out of their vaginas every month, like how cool that is?! I wanted that too, desperately actually, I wanted to be cool. But little did I know I was going to get it all eventually; in fact once you get it you'll have to carry it with you forever and it kinda sucks a lot, but that's a whole other story.
So yea going back to me trying to trasform into everyone's dream girl over night and live 'my' dream, I had this brilliant idea: OKAY BUT WHAT IF I GROW MY HAIR?! LIKE VERY VERY LONG?! THAT'S FUCKING GIRLY RIGHT?!
(Now looking back at my thought process I kinda wanna say 'that's such a boy-ish way of thinking' but I'm trying to not refer to genders and their superstitions anymore. ;) )
So yea, I did grow my hair starting from back then until quite recently when I finally got to the conclusion that i'm not that bitch who's trying to conform to some shit, made up beauty standards, in order to be more socially accepted or to be seen as more universally beautiful.
I know that now from an adult perspective, my Rapunzel drama might seem a bit over rated but let's not forget that I was only a child trying to figure my life out and see what everyone was about. I am thankful that I found a way of dealing with that problem at the time, even though it wasn't really by confronting it directly, I'm glad I came up with something that for me, made sense.
NOW, on the other hand I change my appearance so frequently that I often forget how do I look. I've got to understand that there's so much in this life that can be about you which is internal, that what's happening 'outside' stopped being so concerning and mind consuming to me.
All my physical changes are just reflections of things that I like or that I find cool to look at. I am truly becoming exactly who I want, in every aspect and that's exactly how it should be, so I'm fucking glad.
I might have pink hair this week, or fuck knows what piercing, but what keeps all of these superficial things interesting is actually my personality-or my vibe, if you want.
So no, comments like these do not affect me, but they make me aware that there are people outside the world that I chose to live my life in, who think like this and it fucking scares me to be honest. But you wanna know who actually are these people? They are the same that I was trying to satisfy and to seek validation from some years ago. :) So it's all about perspective really, and who's life you really wanna live. Default standards will always exist and will be easy to find, in fact they might trynna find you first, but you might not wanna do that and live something more personal, more meaningful, more unique!
In conclusion, I'm sending all my love and support to everyone who has struggled or is struggling with self acceptance and self discovery; it can be a hell of a journey, but nothing is more valuable in life than getting to understand who you are and what you are capable of!
love,
WOMEN IN SPORTS
A lot of girls tend to face problems with creating a bond with their fathers and I used to never understand why. I couldn't get it because I knew I was making all these efforts of playing the same sports as him, dressing like him and just doing whatever I knew he loved to make us having things in common and things to talk about and it still felt somehow hard to connect. That was the first step into a colossal future mistake that has ended up distorting a lot of my relationships afterwards.
So going through all of this has inspired me to create something that will help other young teenagers and even parents realise how all these 'stereotypes' that we unconsciously have allowed to rule our lives can severely damage our relationships and our connections as humans.
This is a great era for finally ending toxic masculinity and bloody gender roles. We are now having more attention than ever directed into all these problems that have always been neglected, so it's the best time to act on it.
‘In this period I was only focused on the 'masculine' side of sport. It brought me the validation that I needed even though the way to get it was unfair and wrong. Playing a lot with my dad and other boys was making me feel like a better player because girls were never taken as seriously.
I thought i had to give up completely on my feminine side in order to become a good player. Even my game tactic got more aggressive and angry because that's how I've been seeing boys play; and that was the good way to do it, right?’
‘Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short. wear shirts and boots. because it’s okay to be a boy. But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading. because you think being a girl is degrading.’
Trying for the ones you love should never feel like a chore, but more like a need. We should desire to understand each other better and emphatize; that is how we were created, that's what I'm trying to get back now, by doing this.
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TOXIC ROUTINES
END SOCIAL STIGMA
PRODUCTS
'HUNGRY FOR TRENDS'
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